I'm supposed to graduate with my associates this May which leaves me with just 2 years left of college to graduate with my bachelors and become a teacher (I plan to continue with school to receive my masters).

It's actually really scary to think about. That'll put me at 23 trying to be a teacher. I try to see myself in 2 years and I don't feel like I'll be mature enough to do that. I look at myself now and I have A LOT to learn and a lot of growing up to do. 

- I don't know how to cook. 

- I let my car go 6 thousand miles before getting an oil change. 

- I still rely on my mom to fix all my problems.

- I cry because I am the only person paying all my bills.

Yes that's a part of growing up, I know. But I see everyone else I graduated with, their parents are paying for their schooling, or their car, or their freaking apartment (UGH!). For those of you who know my situation at home know that help just can't be given to me. 1 parent won't and the other just can't. I mean I get it, I guess.  

I recently got a really good raise at work which means things should be easier! But somehow they remain the same. I guess it's like a 'what you have will never be good enough' situation? I don't have to a lot, but I help my mom with bills. I don't think many other kids (yes KIDS, because I don't feel like I'll be turning 21 in 4 and a half months) my age are helping their parents with money. It feels good being able to provide for my mom, she does everything in her power to provide for my sister and I. She is such a strong woman. She is my idol, my hero and I know that she'll live forever.

I've officially drifted away from where I started. The title to this blog WAS going to be I Think I'm Going to be a Good Teacher, but that won't work anymore. 

I'm not ready to grow up and finish school. I'm not ready to be a teacher in a room with 26 kids all alone. I do it at work all the time! Shoot, at work I could watch 52 kids and know that I'll be perfectly fine (but I don't, because then I'll be out of ratio & the day care rep wouldn't appreciate that!) But having to TEACH 26 of them and get them to pass the 2nd grade to send them off to 3rd grade to pass the STAAR test... I don't think I'm ready for that kind of responsibility. 

My boyfriend tells me that once he opens up his own dental practice I can be a stay at home mom with our 4 gorgeous kids in our huge house with our white Jeep & my red lifted Ford truck.

He has huge dreams for himself, for us. I love that about him. 

Maybe one day I can be a stay at home mom... til I send my 4th child off to school, then get bored then wanna go manage Donny Ray's business!