So here's what happened...

*Fair warning, kinda long! But if you care, you'll read it(;

Tuesday night I posted this status...

My plan in life is to grow old and play my flute til the day I die. I told my mom I want to be buried with it (may be odd... oh well). I decided that I want to double major in criminal justice, and music performance (and become famous one day -of course!)

I applied to UH's Moores School of Music and had an audition there, it went pretty well actually, I did mess up once to be honest, but nothing all that terrible. I was told that MoS accepts from about 50-60% of all woodwinds... I got hyped! I mean, how could I NOT get in?!

Two weeks later (this past Tuesday) I received a letter from UH...

 I cried, and cried... and cried some more. It was a tragic moment. Music is what I want to do for the rest of my life, and now it seems as if that will just be impossible.
For 7 years, I've been 1st or 2nd chair in the top bands of middle and high school. For 7 years, I've gotten a 1st division ranking on my solo and my ensemble. And for 7 years have people been telling me that I'm gonna get real far with my music, and I'm gonna be offered tons of scholarships, and that I'm amazing and that no one can turn me down.

But now... it all kinda just seems like a lie...

I have never felt such a pain in my life. It was nothing compared to my past break ups, nothing compared to failing a test, not even as bad as all the pain I had when I broke my tailbone and the surgery on top of it. This was the worst...

I feel disappointed in myself, ashamed, like I let people down, and embarrassed most of all.

It took me four days to finally accept it. I'm not better and I'm not treating it like it never happened, but I'm looking at it as an opportunity! I will practice and I will better improve what I already am. I will not give up my dreams to play in a symphony one day and to hopefully go to Northwestern University, because one day, I will make it BIG. And, I WILL audition again next semester for the Spring because I will pursue my dreams!

So there you have it. This is what happened to me on Tuesday. Hiding behind the screen because if I do it in person, I promise I will cry.

NOTHING WILL STOP ME